Former Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce has today thrown another spanner into the works of what appears to be a happy marriage between rural and urban conservatives.

The Member For New England has demanded a major overhaul in the Coalition arrangement with the Liberals, again making life hard for his successor Michael McCormack, as MPs begin making the journey back to Canberra.

Barnaby began his newest rant by lying through his teeth and insisting that he does not want to return to the role of Nationals leader.

He then began said the rural branch of the Coalition was being short-changed by Prime Minister Scott Morrison around the cabinet table.

We need a fairer deal from the marriage,” Mr Joyce told Sky News Australia on Wednesday evening.

“We have been doing it the polite way … we’ve been doing it behind closed doors. We’ve been doing all the things they tell us to do but it’s just not working.

But Mr Joyce said his party – which is purported to represent the rural working class and agriculture sector – did not have control any of the major portfolios, such as treasury, finance, trade, social services, defence or education – mainly because Scott Morrison is a direct clone of Malcolm Turnbull.

“Look, I don’t want to city-shame the bloke” he said.

“But this working Cronulla dad yarn is a lot of bullshit”

“Our Prime Minister grew up two kilometres from where Malcolm was drinking rosè in Point Piper!”

“He’s just another Eastern Suburbs toff who thinks that steak comes from Argentina and that us bushies are mouthbreathing cousin rooters”

“The bloke’s never drunk a Tooheys New in his life”

Joyce says the Nats should be asking for more power and influence at the table and that the vast majority of government spending was administered by the Liberals – with even the big-spending infrastructure portfolio, held by Mr McCormack, also shared with Liberal MP Paul Fletcher.

“Show me a farmer that says Morrison gives a fuck about the bush and I’ll show you a liar”

The Tamworth firebrand’s comments have been met with criticism by the Deputy Prime Minister who has publicly begged him to please stop firing shots at his Supreme Leader Scott Morrison.

“Barnaby. Don’t” McCormack told the media today.

“Stop it. Just stop”

“I am saving at least $1000 dollars a month staying in the spare room at Kirribilli and the last time Scott felt like he was under attack from the bush he took away my sauna privileges”

McCormack said after several years pretending to enjoy working with the Prime Minister, he’s come to learn that Scotty doesn’t like people knowing he grew up supporting the Waratahs and playing frisbee with Frank Lowy’s sons in Centennial Park.

“Our Prime Minister chooses to identify as a true Aussie battler, and it makes my job a lot easier to pretend I believe it”



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