The nation’s Head of Marketing has today been brought to tears by some of the acts that have taken place inside his workplace.

This comes after the man doing his best to try and shed some crocodile tears was forced to refuse to answer more tough questions about the culture inside parliament house, and the acts that have been perpetrated by his employees.

However, after a month of trying to ignore the alleged sexual assault of a young staffer and the swirling allegations against his Attorney General, Scotty is now dealing with a senior government staffer shaving the carrot on the desk of a female MP.

The disgusting act of pure entitlement and unbridled misogyny has left the nation scratching their head once again at what the fuck is wrong with these highly paid members of the political class.

While the man has been fired (and likely been commended for a role at some large company in a capital city), the Bloke in Chief has conjured up the image of this act happening on his wife’s desk.

“As a man, with females in my life, I can see that wanking on a female’s desk is bad,” said a tearful Scott Morrison today.

“I can imagine how angry I would be if that was Jenny’s desk,” said the man a short time after bringing up a sexual harassment allegation inside a media company without the consent of the person involved – in an effort to sling a bit of mud and detract from the appalling lack of accountability within his government.

“And I would urge all men to think about this happening to a female person that is important to them.”

The Prime Minister then tried to sob before saying he couldn’t continue and walking out of the press conference.


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