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The Chinese Communist Party have today released a statement in which they admit to making the wrong decision by planting their sleeper cell Anthony Albanese MP in the housing commission flats of Sydney’s Camperdown.
With the 2022 Federal Election yet to be even called, the Morrison Government is already playing a dirtier game than anyone expected.
Faced with unflattering poll numbers, and countless corruption and harassment scandals within their cabinet, it seems the last resort of ‘war with China’ has already been put on the table as a desperate re-election strategy.
Defence Minister Peter Dutton has been the man charged with the job of painting the Opposition as Chinese puppets, taking to the floor in Parliament last week to accuse Labor of being in bed with the CCP.
“We now see evidence, Mr Speaker, that the Chinese Communist party, the Chinese government, has also made a decision about who they’re going to back in the next federal election, Mr Speaker, and that is open and that is obvious, and they have picked this bloke as that candidate,” Dutton said, pointing to Opposition Leader Anthony Albanese.
While the chief of ASIO Mike Burgess confirms he holds no concerns about any Labor candidates at the next federal election, Peter Dutton has continued his rhetoric in a desperate attempt to jumble the news cycle with fear-mongering misinformation that might distract from the fact that he is trying to overthrow Prime Minister Morrison.
However, China has today vouched for Dutton’s claims of collusion between China and the Australian Labor Party, while acknowledging they might’ve gone the wrong way about this.
“Yes we can confirm that Anthony Albanese is an active Chinese agent” said a spokesperson for the CCP.
“Although, we now realise that maybe we shouldn’t have planted our sleeper cell in the South Sydney houso flat”
As the CCP went to explain, they became aware in the early 1980s that their secret agent was spending most of his time watching The Whitlams play in Newtown and abusing referees at Redfern Oval.
“He has become somewhat compromised” said the Chinese spokesperson.
“Every single time we make contact, all he can do is complain about losing Rabbitohs juniors to the Sydney Roosters – our phone calls are usually interrupted by sound of aircraft flying overhead because we planted him in the light industrial flight path”
“Next time we’ll put the our secret agents in a North Shore private school. It seems this brand of politician is far easier to manipulate and corrupt”
“We honestly thought Albanese would be Prime Minister ten years ago, but he spent two decades on the back bench while he focused his energy on getting his football team back into the NRL”