World News

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A bereft Julian Assange has taken to his Juliet balcony in London's Knightsbridge district this morning to lash out at the UK Government for denying him basic human rights. Among the accusations was the claim that the government has conspired against him to prevent the latest editions of Wisden's Cricket Monthly from reaching the Ecuadorian embassy. The barrel-chested...

PHIL LeCHOISE | Overseas | CONTACT Liam Webb is a proud Canberran. He grew up there, went to school there, and even decided to stay in Canberra for university. Liam is quick to sing Canberra’s praises, and gets defensive when his out of state friends tease him about Canberra not being a real city. “It’s very easy to rile the little man up”, laughs...

KENT REGINALD | Entertainment | CONTACT A Philadelphia native and die-hard Eagles fan is losing his mind today after the Eagles’ stunning Super Bowl victory over the New England Patriots yesterday, and his celebrating the historic occasion by rioting and burning down the city he’s loved for his whole life Mike Trenton, a 37 year old father of four, has been an Eagles fan ever...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A 17-year study has concluded that the removal a song lyric regarding a fictional character bringing a fake gun to school in the song Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus has, unfortunately, done nothing to end gun violence in the USA. The lyric in question references a ‘boyfriend’ who is stated to be ‘a dick’ and ‘brings a gun to school,’...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The leftist fake-news rumour mill has gone into overdrive today speculating that former talk show host and one of the most influential people on the planet, Oprah Winfrey could run for US president as a Democratic candidate in 2020, after her incredible speech at the Golden Globe awards in Los Angeles. While Oprah's celebrity status and hero-worship in Middle America appears...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A spritely young bloke only three or so months out of high school has today proven that he is more than equipped for the real world, after unveiling his very own zippo cigarette lighter, complete with his name engraved on it. Nathan Young turned 18 in September, but waited until after Schoolies to begin looking for some work in...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Dauren Abayev, the Kazak minister of communications, spat out his tea and vodka this morning after discovering his nation's internet service is on-par with that of Australia's. Immediately summoning his subordinates, Mr Abayev cursed and spat at them for letting the infrastructure deteriorate to the point where they're in danger of being mocked by every other developed nation. "This is not acceptable!" he...

Moscow: Russian President Vladimir Putin looks set to retain the Russian Presidency in New Year if early polling is a fair indicator. In the wake of Brexit and the election of Donald Trump, many have been suspicious of traditonal polls. However, Professor of Russian Affairs at the Australian National University, Alan Neverov, said that Putin is widely expected to win. “Well yes....

KENT REGINALD | Film | Contact Love Actually producer and guy who loves Christmas more than Jesus himself, Duncan Kenworthy, has today finalised a deal for his 14th house in the Bahamas. Kenworthy, in a statement released to Bahaman media, stated that his latest acquisition was all thanks to the support of his family, the grace of God, and the hundreds...

KENT REGINALD | Trains | CONTACT Millions around the world are breathing a huge sigh of relief today, after election results confirmed that only half the population of Alabama is willing to back a political candidate who has been accused of multiple child sex crimes. The result came as Democratic nominee Doug Jones beat former Judge and current alleged child sex offender Roy Moore in...