World News

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT Jesus Christ has today announced that he is distancing himself from self-proclaimed creative genius Kanye West after the release of Kanye’s latest album, ‘Jesus is King’. The album, Kanye’s first since his “Christian awakening” has received mixed reviews. In a press conference hosted by Pearly Gates Media, Jesus was very clear that the relationship was wearing thin. “I’ve been...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A early wave millennial who really enjoyed Kanye West's music before he got all black and political has today now criticised his new gospel album. She thinks that making an album like Jesus Is King is such a weird thing for the practicing Christian music producer to do. This is why Libby Soy (35) has today made it clear, to...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation of England is reportedly over the moon after winning a game they invented a while back. This comes after the English defeated the All Blacks 19-7 in one of the most dominant displays of rugby in recent times, knocking the former backwater colony out of the Rugby World Cup. The win sends the English into the...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT A young Wallabies fan abroad has been craving a little slice of home for a few days now. So, the Queensland man named James Whitely-Smith decided to hit the streets of Tokyo and try and treat his tastes buds to something familiar. With a few days to go until the Semi-Final match, he ambitiously bought tickets to, Whitely-Smith...

BREAKING NEWS | CONTACT The British empire has enjoyed one last win today it can be confirmed. This comes after the English Rugby side beat the Wallabies 40-16. Unfortunately, the referees cannot really be blamed either.

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some breaking news out of Oita, the Japenese cult hero Bak San has just nailed his latest body paint jersey. The Japanese fan who has appeared at matches body painted in every single jersey at the tournament has today turned up in the South Sydney Rabbitohs jersey at the Wallabies game. As the Wallabies prepare to take...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact A Betoota Dolphin’s prop who is on his first international trip has this evening declared that he’s going to move to Japan, and he doesn’t give a fuck what any of you say. While not being able to speak a single word of Japanese, Timmy Brickly, fell head over heels in love with a part...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact In some positive news for the President of The United States and the Prime Minister of Australia, military strategists and experts have today come to their defence on a recent foreign policy decision. This comes after the bold and breathtaking move that will definitely be looked upon favourably in the history books, whereby the United States has abandoned...

JAMIE HOTTAKE | Outrage | CONTACT I wish I didn’t have to write this article. I wish I didn’t have to make a case of basic human rights in *drumroll* 2019. I wish I didn’t have to look through the inevitable dump truck fire that is going to start in this comment section and feel increased rage at every bigot who disagrees with me...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT For the first time since he found himself on the losing end of two leadership spills in one week, The Minister Of Home Affairs has this week bitten off more than he can chew. The Minister in charge of incarcerating refugee toddlers who are losing their baby teeth due to lack of natural sunlight and poor nutrition, appears to...