Woman Going Through Dry Spell Gives Number To Fitness First So She Can Feel What It’s Like To Be Pursued
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA woman missing the highs of lows of being hounded by an insatiable virile male has decided to sign up to fitness first,...
Louvre Museum Jewellery Heist Leaves Guy Ritchie With Biggest Boner He’s Had Since Madonna First DM’ed Him
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactThieves are reported to have stolen multiple priceless jewellery items from the Louvre in broad daylight yesterday, leaving famed heist director Guy Ritchie...
Local Woman Torn Between Empathy And Serenity As Old Codger Launches Into 40 Minute Bus Monologue
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAn exhausted local woman has this morning found herself fighting the urge to be a bit rude, after getting cornered on the bus...
One Nation Offer Nationals 2 First Rounders In Exchange For Barnaby Joyce And A Future Fourth
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
Chins are wagging around Canberra and the broader political sphere this week, as a couple of major franchises eye a bombshell move. ...
Couple Trying To Buy A House About To Realise That ‘2’ Is Actually A Fuck Load Of Money
TRACEY BENDINGER | Society | Contact
The Australian property market has hit fever pitch of late, and one young couple are about to realise just how fucked it really...
Woman Doesn’t Bother Watching Insta Video After Seeing Unfunny Friend Liked It
TRACEY BENDINGER | Society | Contact
A fleeting moment of curiosity was quickly squashed for Mel Cooper this morning, after noticing her least funny friend liked an Instagram video...
Maid Of Honour Delights Wedding Guests By Not Doing A Poem
TRACEY BENDINGER | Society | Contact
Love filled the air this afternoon at a ritzy Lake Como inspired wedding on the foreshore of Lake Betoota. Love, and something else:...
Japan Obsessed Bloke Robbed Of Talking Points Now That Australia Stocks Those 9% Minus 196’s Too
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local bloke’s entire personality has been left in tatters this week after discovering that the elusive 9% Suntory Minus 196 drinks are...
Gym’s ‘Amazing 12 Week Body Transformation’ Achieved By Ensuring Participants Eat Fuck All
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA performance enhancing gym on the outskirts of Betoota Grove has seen a surge of positive comments on their ‘body transformation’ swipe series,...
‘Aw She Looks So Sweet’ Thinks Husband Unaware Wife Is Reading One Of Her Obscenely Filthy Fantasy Books Again
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactGOBLIN GROT: A man admiring his 'sweet' wife is blissfully unaware she’s not curled up on the couch reading a wholesome novel, but...
