20-Something Announces Shock Retirement From Local Clubbing Scene
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact
After plenty of nights spent salmon-ing around in sweaty Betoota night clubs, Max Gosku has finally decided to give...
“Electric Vehicles Are Fine For Road Trips” Says Bondi Man Who Has Never Been West Of Mascot
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A local Bondi man is championing the long-range power of electric vehicles today, despite never travelling more than a 1km outside...
Government Promises To Fast-Track Disaster Payments For 2019 Bushfire Victims As Soon As 10-Year Review Is Completed
RORY SALAZAR | Finance | CONTACT
“Time is of the essence!” yelled a nameless politician who is in charge of organising disaster payments to the victims of the 2019...
Company Posts Record Profits While CEO Tells Workers ‘Slow Economy’ Is Holding Wage Growth Back
RORY SALAZAR | Finance | CONTACT
A box company’s entire factory workforce has considered mutiny today after CEO Glen Jenson explained the ‘slow economy’ was keeping their wages down.
However,...
Wests Tigers Continue Desperate Grab For Media Attention By Announcing Plans To Sign Shaq
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
NRL powerhouse the Wests Tigers have made a bold leap for media attention this week, announcing plans to sign NBA legend...
Tasmanian Girl Returns From Mainland With Exciting Fables Of Traffic Lights And Pasta
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
A 19-year-old Tasmanian girl has held court for days with her vast litter of exotic and exciting fables, upon returning home to her...
Australians Already Ruined Reputation After Half A Year Of International Travel
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
As everyone on Instagram (except you) enjoys sunning themselves in idyllic overseas locations and London, travelling Aussies have been putting in the hard...
Airline Posting Massive Losses Can Somehow Still Afford Giant Salaries And Bonuses For Executives
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact
The nation's favourite airline has today confirmed that times have been tough over the last few months and years.
Qantas and its subsidiary...
Colleague Spends Morning Calculating How On Earth Office Frenemy Can Afford Another Week’s Leave
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A jealous colleague is running a spreadsheet of calculations this morning, as she looks to calculate how her office enemy can...
Woman Feeling Extra Smug As Hubby Who Hates ‘All That Fake Shit’ Remarks How Fresh She’s Looking
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman has been left feeling incredibly smug this afternoon, after her husband who’d always been vehemently against cosmetic work failed to...
