Sports

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The constantly roasted AFLX competition, which takes place tonight in the Victorian capital, has today announced the introduction of tables, ladders and chairs - in an effort to spice up the already weird as fuck code of football. The latest innovation is an attempt at maintaining the focus on entertainment at the pre-season event by encouraging pure human rubble...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact As another weekend ticks over, long-suffering Parramatta Eels fans have something to celebrate this Monday. After another lossless week, fans of the once mighty Blue and Gold are revelling in their team's recent resurgence of form. Following a weekend without failure, something Eels fans have become particularly unaccustomed to of late, many of the clubs supporters are beginning...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Moving with the times, popular sports brand Adidas have today announced the release of a new range of football boots. The second largest sportswear company in the world made the announcement this morning, unveiling their new styles ahead of the 2019 winter codes season. Notably, the new range will feature a new cutting-edge 'NRL Boot,' that will combine the...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A Sports Editor at one of Murdoch's esteemed Australian publication's has been told to find work elsewhere today. The man in charge of the back page was hauled over the coals by the paper's Editor this morning after a story on the round ball game somehow managed to slip through the cracks. After the huge breach of a protocol...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A local man who has spent the majority of his adult life talking up his sporting ability, has today had the wind knocked out of his sails after dislocating his shoulder within the first 5 minutes of a social game of touch football. As the name implies, touch is virtually a no-contact sport so the fact that Luke Wilson...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The fourth-grade battlers down at the Betoota Dolphins have been warned on the club's Facebook group today to get down to training next week or face the consequences. With 'strong numbers' showing up to training last night according to the club captain, this season bills to be a 'belter.' However, as is the norm, third and fourth grade's...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Much to the amusement of many at the Betoota Dolphins club, it has been confirmed today that the Reserve Grade coach wasn't actually joking when he said that there would be pre-season training this week. Chris Walker has shocked the club and the members of the 3rd-grade squad when he posted a sternly worded message in the club's Facebook...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some breaking news out of Cricket Australia, the country's greatest ever bowler has just been appointed as the Chairman of Selectors. The sensational move from the cricketing organisation, see Trevor Hohns sacked with Shane Keith Warne appointed in his place. The King of Spin was reportedly appointed as his successor in an effort by Cricket Australia to stem the...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The body governing the game of cricket in Australia has confirmed today that it's not at panic stations just yet. Speaking exclusively to The Advocate this morning, Cricket Australia's CEO Kevin Roberts informed us that they are holding tight for now. This comes after the Australian side's first test loss to India on home soil in 10 years and a string of...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact As the current situation in Adelaide worsens, Australians from all walks of life are looking to retired Test great Mike Hussey to get us out of the impending Test defeat at the hands of India this afternoon. Hussey, now a happy-go-lucky and overly polite commentator for Fox Sports, has been watching the match from the...