Flat Toilet Roll Dispenser Great For Snorting Cocaine And One Million Streams Of E Coli
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA couple of woo girls have this week inadvertently lined their nasal cavities with faecel matter, when an impromptu Thursday night sesh saw...
Unemployed Millionaire’s Son Confidently Announces Plan To Revolutionise Industry He’s Never Worked In
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA 23 year old bloke from Betoota’s French Quarter district has this week proudly declared he plans on launching a ‘industry breaking’ new...
Oh No! Family In Panic Mode As Retired Boomer Graduates From Lotto Tickets To Scratchies
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTPOKIES AREN'T FAR OFF NOW: A Betoota family is on high alert as retired mum Jennifer Toddley (67) has made a dangerous switch...
SuperCoach Just The Bloke Version Of Playing The Sims
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA woman sick of copping shit for loving the Sims has this week lashed out at her boyfriend, after coming to the realisation...
Cost Of Living Crisis: Nation’s Mums Can Only Afford Half Kilo Of Mince They Have No Plans For Yet
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTThe world you grew up in is dead but not in the cool Tupac way where there is a legacy and a chance...
Inner-City Leftie Furious That Hazard Reduction Fires Have Caused Off-Season Hay Fever
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTSpring has come to Betoota as hazard reduction fires have brought a rare off-season hay fever to the town’s residents most in-tune to...
Dog That Was Meant To Protect Family From Crime Wave Asks Burglar To Play Frisbee
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTLike any bloke insecure about his need to provide income and protection to his family, Betoota dad Liam Tirk (35) went and bought...
IOC Finally Gives NZ A Chance To Win Medals Outside Women’s Power Throwing, Adds Manu Bombs To Diving Events
MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTThe International Olympic Committee has announced a groundbreaking decision to add manu bombs to the Olympic diving event. The New Zealand team has...
Local Millennial Extremely Proud Of Herself After Taking Public Transport Instead Of A $15 Uber
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA Betoota Heights woman is really shaking things up this week, by completely transforming the way she takes transport.
The licenceless 32 year old informs...
Local Kebab Shop Owner Nostalgic For The Rivers Of Gold That Came With The 2016 HSP Craze
MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTOn a slow day at Brothers 5-Star Kebab House, local business owner Mehmet Balik (56) has caught himself daydreaming about the glory days...
