Exhausted Man Writhing Around In Bed At 4AM Not Quite Tired Enough To Periodically Check Phone
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Despite his best effort, Damien Cottonwell didn't get much rest last night.
A heavy Carbonnara dinner; he even used full fat cream.
"I...
Local Drug Dealer Confirms He’s Here For A Good Time Not A Long Time With Matte Finish On M3
TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture| CONTACT
Betoota’s top drug dealer, Jyleigh Barron, has been elusive to local police for the 10 years. Always seemingly 2 steps ahead of them....
Everyone Shut Up! The Single Gal Will Now Visually Recount Her Most Recent Root With A Real Man
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
A group of five girlfriends have been told to shut the fuck up this evening, because Hayley is back in the game.
While catching...
Punter Who Bet On Number Of Corners During World Cup Last Night Could Stop Now If He Wanted To
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |Contact
Oliver Braddon has assured The Advocate this morning that he could stop gambling literally anytime he felt like it.
The 27-year-old solicitor at Adams & Adams in...
Report: Uncle Boof’s Been Playing Up Again
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
A recent report by everyone at a Schultz family barbecue has found that Uncle Boof might have been carrying on over the last...
Team Passing Drill Throw A Curve Ball As Prop Cheekily Handballs The Steeden
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
If fourth-grade suburban rugby league is the sport of kings - Paddy O'Connor is certainly the crown price of the local competition.
Either that...
Sickening Chemical Odours Wafting Out Into Arcade Suggest This Nail Salon Might Be The One
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
A local nail salon in Betoota's inner-city suburb of Roma Hills has been rated as a solid 9.5/10, judging solely off the smell.
ToP...
4-Hour Drive Confirms New Girlfriend Is Not Quite On Beyonce’s Level Yet
TRACEY BENDINGER | Society | Contact
Betoota Hills robot, Colin Dominican (29) thought his newish life partner, Sandra Wentworth (28), had it all going for...
Grease Medley Megamix Saves Boring Wedding
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A Betoota Ponds wedding has been saved from being a completely lacklustre affair with the DJ deciding to whack on the Grease...
Hungover Recount Of Last Night Unable To Identify When Now Weeping Cigarette Burn Happened
TRACEY BENDINGER | Society | Contact
Local Betoota Quarryman and all-round piss cutting legend, Jeronimo Regalé, has this morning had some trouble pinpointing the exact...
