What A Waste: Big Unit Never Played Footy Growing Up Because He’s From One Of Those Hockey Towns
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
A strapping 197 centimetre picture of athletic prowess has today revealed that he's never being given the opportunity to truck the nut up...
Report: Use Of Word “UnAustralian” The Easiest Way To Identify Bloke You Least Want To Get Stuck Talking To
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A new report by Betoota’s peak scientific body has today identified an important societal trend.
The report, authored by South Betoota Polytechnic’s Humanities Faculty...
Local Girl Politely Swerves Friend’s Idea To Buy $300 NYE Tickets To Drink Lukewarm Prosecco On A Rooftop
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactWhen it comes to New Years Eve, there are typically four options:
A. You’re invited to a house party (the best option, but these...
Nan Joins Tinder So Someone On There Can Appreciate Your Freckles
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Your favourite person in the world is giving 21st century dating a go by sensationally downloading Tinder.
The move is set to ensure...
Mum Ferociously Picking Up Wrapping Paper The Second It Hits The Floor Needs To Just Enjoy The Day
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
A mum who’s clearly the product of her upbringing has today been urged by her children to relax, after stoutly refusing to do...
“It’s Exactly Like My 9 To 5” Says Government Employee Binge Watching Entire Series Of Utopia
RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact
The reverential Logie Award-winning Australian comedy series, Utopia, has hit a little too close to home today for full-time indentured public servant, Callan...
Sourdough Starter In Freezer Begs For Death
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A culture frozen in time is begging for sweet release today, as the sourdough starter that’s been in the freezer since lockdown ended...
Landlord Avoids Scrutiny By Popping On A High Vis Shirt
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A local landlord has avoided the scrutiny of pesky non-homeowners by popping on a high vis vest to disguise himself as a member...
Dad Suspicious After Daughter’s New Boyfriend Turns Up With Fruity Beer He’s Never Heard Of
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A household in Betoota Heights has been the scene of a tense standoff today, as the festive season serves up yet another interesting...
6 Gross Objects That Could Be Touching Your Feet In The Surf
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTEveryone loves a good old swim at the beach, paddling round in the surf, diving beneath the roll of the waves, and casually...
