Local News

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Feeling that all familiar stab of fear at the pit of her stomach, local woman Tayla Fields glances at her Instagram profile icon a second too late. She’s committed the number one cardinal sin of Instagram stalking – forgetting to use her burner account under the fake name ‘Joshwaters67.’ Tayla is reported to have created the account roughly one month...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As various social media and messaging platforms take over the tech landscape, it can be revealed that the initial form of messaging has slowly become more and more redundant. Particularly for one local bloke named Sam Marychurch, who says he can't remember the last time he got an actual text message from a friend or family member, that...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT A nasty bully known for tormenting the halls of Betoota Girls Grammar has today taken to Facebook to share some heartwarming words of support for those going through a tough time. Angela Webb is said to have been in the popular group and had built up quite the reputation as the resident mean girl and the source...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local 1st-year carpentry apprentice, Sebastian, has today committed an immortal sin by vocalising the fact that he has no idea what the fuck any of the blokes of the jobsite are talking about. During a roaring Friday arvo smoko break on a new low-rise job in Betoota Heights, the workmates of this Tik-Tok-aged youth find themselves doing what...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local car detailer, Roycey (28) has today imparted a little bit of wisdom on his uncultured workmates. This comes as the three blokes hit the Chinese kitchen out the back of the RSL after an afternoon of drilling jars. Both Ernie (32) and Teddy (45) don't know too much about oriental cuisine, so they've had to let their more...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Suburb renowned bongrat Tony Ricky (24) has taken a hit in the cool polls after the rest of his sharehouse overheard his corporate persona during a work Zoom meeting. Styling himself after a young Keith Richards, Ricky is known around his share house as trying to be a bit of a loose bloke. Previously, Ricky’s ‘she’ll be right’ ethos...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As gentrification continues the tradition of young renting millennials mingling with older immigrant homeowners the juiciest bit of neighbourhood lore is bound to hashed up at some point. In Betoota’s Flight Path District, Italian expat Guiseppe Catalano filled in his young neighbours on a dark chapter of their block’s history; how a man who he swears was a hitman...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact State governments around the nation are beginning the arduous process of untangling the lockdown mess this week – and with it comes the return of certain privileges once taken for granted. Two Betoota men who’re currently suffering the indignity of living in Sydney have found each other this afternoon and it’s all in the name...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT In the Johnston home, there are quite a few household items with multiple purposes. For example, a biscuit tin makes a great storage place for nan’s sewing needles. And why throw out an empty tub of Neapolitan ice cream, when it makes the perfect bowl for the dog’s water? And yes, even though mum insists on keeping mason...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A Betoota Heights man has today revealed just how easy it is to become an expert in something he previously knew nothing about, with only a couple hours on YouTube under his belt. Declan Dim (34) has today called up his plumber to tell him that after 'doing a bit of research' - he doesn't believe that his...