Local News

Local Woman Discussing Celebrity Hall Pass Getting Pretty Intense With What She’d Let Him Do

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A local woman has today gotten pretty full on with her description of things she’d let her celebrity hall pass do, it’s reported. This topic was said to have come during a walk with the girls, with each member of the group listing a celebrity they’d like to root if given the chance. As the usual responses of Henry Cavill,...

Last Minute Mouthful Of Blue Cheese Deemed Adequate Stomach Lining For 3 Bottles Of Prosecco

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT After a long week of filing insurance claims, local girl Ali Grabham has officially declared that she’d getting fucking lit tonight. So far, it seems like the plans are for the girls to have some pres at Lisa’s before heading out for a few cocktails at their local wanky rooftop garden, ‘Tres Bubbles .’ Or so, that was the original...

Smoko Van Lady Persuades Entire Worksite To Get Their Jabs By Cracking Joke About Small Pricks

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As the different states around Australia begin to hit exciting milestones in the jab roll-out, the attention is now turning to the worrying variable within the population who aren't interested in immunisation. While some Australians are medically exempt, or ideologically opposed - there is also a large demographic of people who just haven't been fucked. There's also a fair few...

Best Friend Of Jilted Woman Glares Across The Bar At Local Fuckboy Like Tony Montana

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local fuckboy, Dennis Merrill (28) has felt the warm breath of Haedes down his spine this evening. After a rocky break up with an on-again-off-again girlfriend, Dennis and some mates thought they'd try their luck chatting up some girls at a local Betoota nightlife precinct. The fact that his break-up had timed bang on with the arrival of summer does...

Bloke Who Grew Up Watching Hours Of Pokémon Each Morning Bans His Kids From Listening To K-Pop

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT With Korean pop now the most popular form of music infiltrating the ears and minds of the Australian youth, local sportswear retailer Kimbo (33) is growing concerned about the influence of Asian culture on his children. Also known as 'K-pop' the genre of music has origins in South Korea, and plays a major part in South Korean culture. With...

Delusional Woman Entertains Thoughts That Boyfriend Must Be Picking Up A Nice Gift At 7pm On Friday

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Wishful thinking is often a one way street to disappointment and a quick lesson in lowering expectations. Though in Freya’s case, the bar would be on the floor. It’s alleged the 24-year-old had been expecting her boyfriend to pick her up at 6:30 pm to check out a new bar that they’d been talking about attending for weeks. But...

Gladys Crams Her 117 Different Work Blazers Into Local Vinnies Bin Before Heading Out For A “Picnic”

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The former Premier of New South Wales has bid farewell to a small pile of clothing that once defined her media appearances this afternoon. Gladys Berejiklian, before heading out on a picnic this afternoon in Sydney, emptied her wardrobe of work blazers into a number of garbage bags and drove them down the road to...

Work Colleague Tells You Entire Plot Of Movie You’d Really Like

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Inside the digital walls of a workplace in Betoota’s Old City District office administrator Anne Patterson (49) has shared a very important update with her colleagues; she watched a movie last night. According to Patterson the film she watched was very good and her colleagues would really enjoy it, which is why she provided them all with a bastardised...

Local Bloke Prepares To Inherit $3M Workers Cottage After Waving At The Nonna Down His Street

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local Betoota IT professional, Paddy Kilmartin (29) knows there's only a few things certain in this world. One, this government will tax him until death. Two, the Parramatta Eels will never win a premiership in his lifetime. And three, he will never be able to afford his own home as a university educated office worker whose work requires him...

Bartender Prepares Her Vintage SS Uniform Now That Every Unvaxxed Idiot Reckons She’s A Nazi

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local hospitality employee in our French Quarter is today preparing herself for the silly season. "It's going to be a big one," laughed Freda Harvey, an employee at the Bearded Billy Goat in our town's nightlife district. With the nation edging closer and closer to at least 70% of the population double jabbed up, local hospo and...

Social

781,079FansLike
603,780FollowersFollow
119,365FollowersFollow

Breaking News