“Gen Z Aren’t Going To The Pub” Says Publican Selling Jugs That Cost More Than An MDMA Cap
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIt appears that millennials have officially handed over the ‘killing an industry’ baton to Gen Z, with many publicans reporting that the Tik Tok generation is simply ‘not interested’ in drinking.
Speaking to the owner of The Darling Hotel, Greg Langdon, The Advocate discovers that apparently young people aren’t that keen on getting shitfaced in public establishments anymore, or...
Foreign Tradie Mocked By Foreman For Completing Job Quickly And To A High Standard
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A Dutch roofer has been chastised by his boss this morning for completing a roofing job on a Betoota Heights project home inside the allotted time frame and to a standard that makes it stand out from the other pieces of shit the volume builder has slapped together in recent months.
Martijn van den Hoogenband,...
Maccas 30 Days Of Deals Sees Local Bargain Hunter Attempt His Own Supersize Me Mission
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A brave local man has today spoken to The Advocate about the biggest month of his life.
The Betoota Heights plumber named Brad Parker sat down with our humble regional newspaper to describe what his November has involved.
"Fuck, I'm blowing so much smoke," sighed the man who has stubbornly committed to indulging in every single day of...
Local Woman Celebrates Black Friday By Buying Quite A Few ‘Washed Potatoes’ At Self Serve
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAs today officially marks ‘Black Friday’, people all around the nation are helping themselves to savings of up to 80 percent, including some super sweet deals at the local supermarket.
Speaking to some shoppers exiting the Betoota Ponds Woolworths, our reporter learns that the supermarket giant is surprisingly having some deals too - despite there being no advertising or...
Starving Bloke Halfway Through 18 Holes Runs the Roulette on Roast Beef & Cheese Sambo From Pro Shop
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA weekend warrior has decided to risk his life this afternoon by tucking into some mysterious grey meats encased in a golf shop sandwich.Nine holes into his afternoon on the Betoota Lakes golf course, Simon Taylor-Made (33) told The Advocate he was so hungry he was willing to confront an evening on the dunny, such was...
Bloke Having Dart And Energy Drink In Sun Enjoying A Tasting Flight Of Future Illnesses
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA local Betootan sampled a tasting flight of future illnesses today as he started his day by knocking back an energy drink and a dart while basking in the warm rays of the sun. This sampler of worldly pleasures and human ailments is Betoota solicitor Mark Ensons, a partner in his family owned law practice Ensons & Sons.As someone...
Arrival Of Fireball Shots At Work Christmas Party Informs Big Fella It’s Now Okay To Untuck The Shirt
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA local big unit has let out a seismic sigh of relief this evening after realising that untucking his shirt is now fair game.Four hours into the work Christmas party for Bogtrotter Capital, IT support technician Craig Carisle (38) has decided he’s got permission to loosen a few notches on his belt buckle, the hardest working...
Local Introvert Rehearses Polite “No thanks” Gesture 200 Metres Before Encountering Charity Pest
MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTLocal introvert Dylan Fernie (28), has reportedly spent over 2 minutes rehearsing the elusive "no thanks" gesture after spotting some charity pests in a more than chipper mood, 200 meters ahead of him.
"As an introvert it's easy to just look at the floor as you walk, but I guess this all goes to show how important looking out...
Excitable Local Idiot Once Again Finds Himself Agreeing To Early Morning Weekend Exercise
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA Betoota Ponds bloke has yet again proven that he doesn’t really know himself that well, by yet again agreeing to do a three hour hike on a Sunday morning at the unreasonable start time of 5am.
It’s alleged Benny Hughes was seen typing a ‘sure, sounds good!’ into the boys group chat, all the while forgetting that he’d...
Mum Rejoices As Work Christmas Party Falls On Same Night As Kids Shitty Christmas Pageant
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA Betoota mother of three is leaping for joy this evening after being gifted a get out of jail free card that saves her from attending her children’s Christmas pageant.
With silly season in full swing and the weekly calendar of events filling up faster than a middy glass, Naomi Harmer (38) of Betoota Heights was handed...
