Local News

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A Betoota mum is just going all out with the affection this week and has ordered a second round of hugs from her adult children after a goodbye hold up at the door. As someone who raised her three kids with an attentive balance of love and boundaries, Mona Fin (57) still has a good relationship with her adult...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTIn a classic display of drunken imagination, local man, Eli Cheshire (26) has found himself contemplating a shocking death as he urinated on a public electricity box while drinking beers with mates in a park.Eyewitnesses describe the scene as both surprising and concerning, as Eli, fueled by beer and a couple cans of Hard Sol-Hard Rated, and a...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA local bachelor has been forced to swerve into Woolies this morning, as he attempts to hide a night of frivolous passion from his colleagues.Standing in the hosiery aisle of the Woolworths Metro on Tallis Street in downtown Betoota, local B2B Sales Specialist Lewis Kennedy has been forced to freshen up his office attire by pulling...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTBattle lines have been drawn in Betoota’s flight path district this week, as the suburb’s proud migrant heritage once again is challenged by the unwelcome arrival of a franchise business.Local media have this week been covering “The Battle of The Bread Roll”, as a local Vietnamese bakehouses works to disrupt the opening of a newly opened...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT One of Betoota’s most eligible bachelors is getting creative in the kitchen tonight as he looks to curate a Michelin star worthy meal. Having been gifted a Phillips XXL Eazi-Fry Deluxe for Christmas, Duncan Dunt (29) is one of the many single blokes in town who has fallen in love with his air-fryer, a kitchen appliance...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local townie is down at the dam doing townie shit, confirms a recent spike of water skiing related content on his social media channels. According to Betoota's official dictionary, Betootaism, the term townie is described as follows: Informal. : a resident of a town. especially a permanent inhabitant of a rural town who does not farm his or her...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACTThe ongoing standoff in the kitchen shows no sign of ending anytime soon as negotiations with the spatula continue with no result.“I’m just a wreck” said a clearly anxious Mum “all the cutlery is being held hostage by this unpredictable implement but it’s still refusing to negotiate, or even talk. It hasn’t made any demands and we don’t...

STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACTIn a stunning display of selective procrastination, office worker Dave Williams has declared that all work-related issues are to be dealt in 2024, conveniently sidestepping all the unresolved 2022 work-related problems still on his to-do list. With a remarkably optimistic outlook, Dave confidently asserted, "Yeah, that sounds like a 2024 problem!" Having already mentally clocked off as soon as...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA woman returning home for the holidays has already had her self esteem seriously eroded, after being met with a series of barbed comments from her family.Speaking to The Advocate, Leslie Durnham, 32, says that now that she’s only able to see her family roughly once a year after making the move to Western Australia,  there’s a ‘long...

STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACTIn a groundbreaking survey conducted across suburban Australia, results have revealed a new kitchen appliance thats on a growing number of Christmas wish lists. The study, commissioned by the Institute of Festive Gifting (IFG), disclosed that a whopping 76% of women have boldly proclaimed their desire for an air fryer as this year's ultimate Christmas gift. Dr. Yule Giftworthy,...