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STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACT Move over Jesus; there's a new religious observance in town—the upcoming Taylor Swift Eras Tour.  In the year 2024, traditional holidays are taking a back seat to the modern-day worship of pop idols, and Swiftmas is here to stay. The upcoming Taylor Swift Eras Tour has taken the place of traditional holiday festivities, ushering in a new form...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Inflation continues to cross boundaries once thought of as sacred as two slabs of beer is now the agreed upon payment for a mate that has helped you move out of a place you can no longer afford. Despite professional movers existing, the best way to move house is to ask your mates to do it for free...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT In exciting news for smoothie fans, national juice retailer Boost Juice has today announced a new range of refreshments inspired by the craft beer market. Dubbed the “Crafty Collection”, it’s understood fans of fruity beers will soon be able to get a juicy non-alcoholic fix at regional Stockland and metropolitan Westfield shopping centres across the nation....

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT 2024 is off to a shocking start for some who have at this point realised they have spent 100% of the new year being violently hungover. For those who wanted to spend the last fleeting moments of 2023 having fun, New Year’s Eve parties were a great place to lift a glass and stay up late doing a bunch...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A local Betootan has already learnt so much about herself during her worldly travels. Leaving from The Rose of Betoota International Airport & Bistro, Kate Flanel (20) learnt about human sacrifice and perspective before her flight touched down in Thailand. Primarily, Flannel learnt that she will do anything for the gram including spending 11 hours with a stiff,...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A local boyfriend has been off with the fairies this afternoon after finding himself within a 10-metre radius of one of his childhood heroes. Seated with nine members of his family at the Pacific Hotel in Yamba, The Advocate can report that Shaun Tallis (32) currently resembles someone that needs to be taken off for HIA, dazed...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT As the subject of tattoos is broached around a family Christmas table today, a local Fitzroy girl’s attempt to capture the room with her new piece of wrist ink has failed abysmally, The Advocate can report. Gathered around a long backyard trestle table in Moonee Ponds, it’s believed Charlotte Martin-Robinson (29) had attempted to impress all 30...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT An exciting summer romance is expected to fizzle pretty quick this year as a local girl returns home to Betoota for Christmas. After just finishing her year of Criminology Studies at Griffith Uni, Ella Wright (25) has reportedly been forced to spend the party season back in the Diamantina with her parents, thanks to her dwindling student...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A culinary experiment is under way in a Betoota Heights kitchen today as a drunken cousin gets creative after Christmas lunch. Having pumped seven Betoota Bitters, three glasses of passion pop and half a jug of Aunty Jill’s rum punch, Tyson Baker has the kind of noxious mix in his system that means he’s lost the function...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT Local events coordinator Tara Rockman is tearing her hair out this evening as she attempts to tick off all her Christmas shopping at North Betoota Westfield. Carrying an assortment of shopping bags in her left hand and a can of Redbull in her right, Tara tells The Advocate a busy end to the year has meant she...