CSIRO Scientist Buys Penthouse Next To Alan Jones With All That Climate Change Cash
FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT
Climate change denialists are up in arms today after news that a mid-level climate scientist has purchased a piece of premium real estate...
Shocking Sighting Of Third Crack Forces Qantas To Ground All Planes Immediately
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
After facing a barrage of calls over the last 12 hours to ground their fleet of 737's, Qantas have finally caved.
Following reports...
Victorian Police Use Protestors As Practice For Mental Health Checks On Disability Pensioners
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Victorian Police have arrested 12 people on the second day of climate protests at the IMARC internatinal mining conference at the Melbourne Convention...
Dairy Farmer Relieved Woolies Aren’t Wasting Profit On Trivial Shit Like Someone’s Livelihood
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
After fighting tooth and nail to get Woolies to charge 10 cents extra per litre of his milk produce, local dairy farmer Bob...
Man Charged Under New Domestic Terrorism Laws After Eating Hummus With Fingers
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
The first arrest of the Morrison government’s new domestic terrorism laws was made in the early morning hours as an unidentified 23-year-old man...
Local Woman Becomes First Person In History To Successfully Connect To Fon Wi-Fi
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A young Betoota Ponds woman has achieved an incredible feat today.
She has become the first person in the history of the internet...
42-Year-Old Defeated By Basic Electronics Packaging
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT
A local Betoota Heights man has just let out a long but barely audible 'Fuck.'
He did so a couple of moments ago...
Nation Shocked A House Full Of Pissed Bogans Hasn’t Descended Into Run-It-Straight-Challenges
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT
In some breaking news out of the Bachie mansion, it has been confirmed today that over the last few years not a single...
QLD Premier Johanna Palaszczuk Sends In The Deen Brothers To Demolish Cloudland Overnight
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Almost 37-years to the day since the destruction of Brisbane's historic Cloudland Ballroom in Bowen Hills was orchestrated by the Sir Johannes Bjelke-Petersen...
Office Sandwich Press Hardest Working Employee
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Hard work has not gone unrecognised at a Betoota Heights law firm where the kitchen sandwich press was presented the coveted Employee of...
