Local Man Lets Out Involuntary Moan Of Pleasure As Scissors Glide Effortlessly Through Wrapping Paper
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT
Humming a happy little tune to himself, local man
Jake Gosford whips out a pair of scissors and sets to work on his apology
present...
Boring Town Decides To Make Up A Rumour About A Panther
After over 12 months of research, a study by the Black Panther Sightings Organisation (BPSO) has confirmed that there must be a large number of...
CoronaVirus Hot Take From March Quietly Deleted From Social Media
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Social media user Elliot Hodges (27) has used his better judgement today and done a dirty delete on a CoronaVirus Hot Take they...
‘Good Afternoon’ Says Worksite Comedian After Young Bloke Turns Up At 6:04 AM
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A local joker has brought the nearly finished house he's been working on down today.
The incident occurred after one of Kevin Andrews'...
World Celebrates 10 Million Covid Cases By Opening Adelaide Nightclubs
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
The pandemic milestone we hoped we’d never see has been marked for celebration in the most minor way possible.
Figures verified by the World...
AFL Season On Rocks After Revelations Literally No One Wants To Take In The 10 Victorian Teams
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
In some shocking news this morning, the rest of Australia has re-affirmed to the AFL that they aren't really that keen on having...
Labor Get Creative With Campaigning In Eden-Monaro And Hang Hawaiian Leis On Every Letterbox
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
The AFP have today confirmed that they are investigating a disinformation campaign against Labor’s candidate in the Eden-Monaro by-election after spam emails distributed...
Local Gamer Confronts His Mum About Having An Affair After Tip Off From Teenage COD Opponent
FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact
May 26 was a regular day for unemployed Cheetos enthusiast Darcy Charnel, who was planning a productive day of playing one of...
Vic Government Begin Experiments To Stop Trees Changing Colour To Keep Amateur Photographers Home
FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact
Even as Australian states start to draw up timelines to wind back lockdown restrictions, it seems the message is still not getting...
Novak Djokovic Urgently Contacts Pete Evans After Coronavirus Diagnosis
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
Men's world number one tennis player Novak Djokovic has frantically picked up the phone this morning after being diagnosed with Covid-19.
The tennis...
