A new survey has confirmed that 90% of crusty white dogs are named either Molly or Coco, it’s reported.

Characterised by their matted white fur, persistent eye gunk and thousand-yard stare, crusty white dogs have become the staple pet for middle-class families, coming in at 1 out of 3 Betoota Heights households.

Though it looks as though a simple gust of wind would be enough to knock them off their feet, crusty white dogs are surprisingly resilient and can easily live up to 20 years old. This is said to be due to the seething hatred coursing through their veins, which has them living up to five years longer than other small dog breeds simply out of spite alone.

Crusty white dogs are not only common with young families but are also seen quite prominently with low tier Instagram influencers who can’t afford a French Bulldog.

Our reporter attests that a quick hashtag search of the name Coco on Instagram confirms these results, as does a search of the name Molly – though some other results come up too.

It’s unknown how the crusty white dog has become so popular, or why the breed has evolved to have an endless stream of eye boogers that no amount of wiping can get rid of.

More to come.


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