LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

In a sad reminder of the consequences of a life well-lived, Flight Path grandfather of eight, Bob Gardener (81), is losing his hearing, possibly due to his fascination with visiting airshows without using earbuds. 

The gradual loss of his hearing has been heartbreaking for his loving family with the exception of his wife of 54 years Edna Gardener (79) who can now finally talk shit about him whenever she likes.

“He never listened to me before anyway!” insisted Mrs. Gardener as her husband sat literally right next to her.

“I kept saying ‘Robert, don’t you stick your head in that church bell and get your brother to ring it’ but he did it anyway and look where it’s gone and gotten him!”

“Every Sunday for 54 years I said it and every Sunday for 54 years he didn’t listen, why should today be any different?”

“Stupid man!”

Mrs. Gardener continued her rant in front of her extended family with a Far Side comic level of intensity as if she had been waiting for the love of her life to go deaf this entire time.

Despite calls from her family to stop bagging out pop while he sits smiling just five centimeters away from her, Mrs Gardener insisted that even if Bob could hear he’s currently too invested in Foyle’s War to really give a toss.

“He’s got the subtitles on, of course, I wish I could come with subtitles!”

“I don’t,” stated Mr. Gardener in a rare moment of selective hearing.


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