The Prime Minister has offered up some leadership today, in the form of vague politically motivated claims that contradict the advice of the Premiers.

Speaking to the reporters in Canberra, the nation’s Head of Marketing explained that we ‘need to move forward’ and ‘we cannot stay in the cave forever.’

His comments come a few months after he fronted the cameras to tell everyone that getting jabbed up wan’t a race, in an effort to distract from his government’s inability to organise a piss up in a brewery.

“I know I told people that it wasn’t a race a couple of months ago, but it turns out it actually is,” laughed Scotty to The Advocate this afternoon.

“So now that jabs are ramping up and there’s going to be some political points in calling for lockdowns to end, I’m changing tune,” said the leader who tried to pretend protecting people from this deadly virus wasn’t an urgent matter, because his government had fucked up.

“We need to start thinking about coming out of lockdown,” he continued, offering up more advice to the Premeirs he has largely left to fend for themselves in the midst of a crisis.

“We can’t stay in the cave that I forced us into because I failed to plan a national jab rollout properly.”

“It’s time to get on with things,” finished the man who is going to be making a lot more press appearances as the opportunities to claim credit start popping up.

Federal Labor Leader Anthony Albanese was contacted for comment but issued some comments about Labor ending it’s war on coal.

More to come.


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