After spending countless years mindlessly wandering through life with a series of odd hospitality jobs, a local man Jason Swartz [27] has finally found his true calling by becoming a personal trainer, it’s reported.

Jason Swartz [27] is rumoured to have been a former gifted child who unfortunately fell into the trap of believing he could achieve anything he wanted with nominal effort.

However, much like every other gifted child that peaked in primary school, Jason quickly gave up on anything he wasn’t instantly good at, which has resulted in multiple career paths and dropped university degrees. 

Now, as a relatively athletic individual whose sole personality is derived by the circumference of his biceps, Jason’s last-ditch attempt at being a functioning adult is turning his narcissistic hobby into a career. 

However, unbeknownst to him, his career trajectory is often used as the benchmark of failure by his family, who use it as a clear example of ‘shoulda tried harder in school.’ 

 Speaking to his parents, the Advocate learns the extent of their disappointment.

“He was always so good at tinkering with things as a kid”, says his mum Julie as she blows into a tissue.

“Honestly, I ask myself every day what I could have done differently.”

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here