Local bloke Oliver Turner has today decreed that his mate’s eyes are a bit too fucking intense.

It’s alleged he came to this conclusion after spending a little more time than usual with his new mate Parker, facing the full force of his ice-cold gaze when they ventured outside one sunny afternoon.

Looking very obviously uncomfortable, Oliver speaks to our reporter Effie about why he’s having trouble connecting with his new mate a.k.a Blue Eyes White Dragon.

“It’s too much”, says Oliver, “it’s like looking into the fucking eye of Sauron.”

“Can he tone it down a bit?”

Noting that his mate also appeared to not blink as much as a normal person, Oliver says that conversations leave him feeling unnerved.”

“I actually prefer him when he’s on one.”

“At least the pupils can cover up those suckers for a while.”

“It’s just..too intense.”

When asked how he plans on dealing with this burgeoning friendship, Oliver says he’ll just avoid prolonged eye contact or chuck on a pair of sunnies instead.

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here