As the sun sets on the 26th day of the month of January, a local patriot has sought to keep the fire burning.

With huge numbers once again taking to the streets to protest the fact we hold our national day of celebration on the anniversary of the date British ships arrived to commit genocide, Blake Lambton has hit out at those calling for the date to change.

“Australia Day is a date for all Australians,” explained the bloke who is under the impression he can’t have a beer or barbecue on any other day of the year.

“I just don’t understand why people can’t just get over it,” continued the man who makes a huge effort to understand the significance of ANZAC day, but completely dismisses any of the icky history he doesn’t like.

Lambton says it’s a day that everyone should come together and celebrate a colonial invasion force committing centuries of atrocities with an obscene amount of grog and cheap Chinese manufactured paraphernalia.

“Australia Day has always been on the 26th, and that’s the way it should be,” said Lambton.

“I mean, I’d probably forget about the date being moved in like three or four spins around the sun,” he said.

“But, it’s about the principle, if we cave on this, then what’s next,” said Lambton, who actually has no idea what is next, but is afraid of it.

“What’s next huh?”

“It’s the one day of the year where we can have a BBQ and a few beers and celebrate being Aussie,” finished the man who cooks his dinner on the BBQ four nights a week, and consumes at least a 6 pack of beer most nights a week.


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