Reflecting on himself during the working-from-home early mark he has given himself every Friday, local bachelor Keilan Cobb sipped a mid-strength beer on his Old City District balcony where no one but the walls of the wheat-works turned apartments could see him.

To an onlooker Cobb may appear to be any self-hating rat race participant ringing in the end of another carpal tunnel decaying week of work but ask the man himself and he’ll tell you there’s much more to it than that.

“I realised the other day that I never properly ended things with Sarah,” stated Cobb, as he dug his thumbnail into the label of his gentrified beer.

“She probably deserves a full explanation.”

Judging by the longing in his voice and alleged yearning in his soul, many might mistake Cobbs’ lost love as a former paramour he shared a passionate adult relationship with.

“We were top MySpace friends for the whole time we were together.”

In an exclusive with The Advocate Cobb confirmed that the old flame for which he burns is that of his year 9 girlfriend Sarah Falchi, a former classmate he spent six weeks in a relationship with.

“Six and a half weeks actually.”

As more labels of endless beers continued to be gnawed away by an insatiable Cobb, the musings of his long lost like somehow managed to get even creepier.

“I wonder what she’s up to now. I have her on Facebook so I do know, but I mean like in the past couple of hours, what has she been up to then?”

“You know, we never actually said we broke up,” he continued rambling on before our reporter walked off.


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