LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

With only 2% of Australian adults fully jabbed up against COVID-19, the federal government has considered some drastic action to convince Aussies over 50 to get the shot.

A proposed scheme from the government suggests the best way to convince Australian boomers to get the jab will be in the form of a co-ordinated scam email racket.

“Truth is, there is a lot of misinformation these days,” stated one coalition staffer, microwaving a Lean Cuisine to oblivion to ward off any chance of Craig Kelly barging in to interrupt.

“With so many people not wanting to get the jab we might have to fight misinformation with misinformation.”

At the time of writing, the proposed email scheme is set to involve tricking a few lonely unvaxed Australians into a long-distance relationship with a stock image who would love for them to come and visit them overseas once they are vaccinated.

“I mean, it’s a bit cruel but how many of you are really going to care if we scam a few selfish people into getting a jab with the promise of getting laid. Far out, normally when the government breaks a promise we just tell you it’s your fault, at least we’ll own this one!”

The scheme is set to also pay for itself via any donations the conned parties PayPal over to their would-be lovers.


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