Despite the premier of New South Florida, Gladys Berijiklian, refusing to answer questions about why Bunnings is still open, The Advocate has obtained information that states the decision is coming from the top.

Having earlier shown his prowess for nation-building by assembling a flatpack cubby house and chicken coop, occasional Prime Minister Scott Morrison has popped a few nails in his mouth and made a trip to his local Bunnings.

“Spot right out the front! Catch!” stated the PM, parking his car at Bunnings Caringbah before throwing his keys at a random tradesman who was about to tell him he can’t park there.

“Grab us one of those serviettes from the glovebox. I forgot my mask again.”

“Let’s go guys c’mon, no browsing now!”

Upon returning home with some sleepers, Mr Morrison invited his media team into his backyard to watch him assemble a veggie garden that he claims will be growing ‘monster zucchinis’ by summer.

“Can’t say I don’t do nothing for the environment now can ya!”

“Alright, I need to screw this in, chuck us the hammer!”

When asked by The Advocate during her daily presser if Bunnings was only open to give the PM more DIY photo ops, premier Berijiklian smirked.

“Yeah, that’s why Bunnings is open, so you can make some lowest common denominator farce about how the Prime Minister builds things in his backyard like a year ago.” 

“Next question.”


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