ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Australians have been reminded today that despite all of us being in this collectively bad situation, we’re in it together.

They have also been reminded that when the pandemic sunk its claws into the economy’s neck in Marck last year, it resulted in a sharp crash that saw tens of billions wiped off the local sharemarket in just a matter of days.

Fast forward to today, the people who are also in this horrible mess together with us are celebrating the fact that the share market has not only bounced like a Frenchman’s cheque, it’s now at record highs.

Speaking to The Advocate today about how the top end of town has been able to capitalise on this fucked time, local financial planner Glenn Butler said it’s actually pretty crook and unfair.

“You know how these fucking pollies, right? These cunts need to disclose their cunt assets and whatnot as to not have any conflicts, yada yada yada,” he said.

“Anyway, you’ve pollies like that bloke I can’t remember the name of, the talking fridge magnet they parachuted in for Malcolm, purchasing blue chips out the fucking ying-yang through his family trust. You know, shit like Qantas and whatnot. He fucking did that in like April or something last year. Then last financial year, the fucking government gives the big red and white sky bus over two billion dollars in corporate welfare. I mean, I might just be some cunt with a lop-sided head who dolls out fucked financial advice to dopy pensioners above a travel agent in some fuck-arse town called Betoota, on the fringe of the Simpson Desert where it’s either fucking hot or too cold to even piss outside,”

“But it sounds pretty rogue to me. Not saying he’s up to no good, or any other of the cunts in that fucking Parliament House,”

“I’m just saying it doesn’t sound like we’re all in this together. Some of us get rich, the others each shit and die.”

Glenn then slumped forward on his desk and let out a huge, guttural moan.

“I mean, fuck! Why is life so fucking hard!”

He then violently headbutted his desk twice.

“There are people openly fornicating in the street right now in Berlin!”

More to come.


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