LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A Henderson family get-together has finished on an unorthodox pleasant note today, which pundits are attributing to uncle Brian Henderson’s ‘controversial opinion’ being surprisingly mild for a change.
During his brother Marcus Henderson’s 51st birthday cake and tea celebration, Brian Henderson waited for the usual post cake lull to settle before unleashing one of his signature controversial opinions, to the chagrin of his sister in law, niece, nephew and nephew’s boyfriend.
Today, however, this was not the case, as Henderson’s ‘controversial opinion’ seemed uncharacteristically respectful and considerate.
“Controversial opinion, but I think that if someone wants to die they should be given the choice to do so. Our government needs to look into assisted dying options,” stated Henderson through a mouthful of Woolworth’s bee sting cake.
Other members of the Henderson family were speechless, as their uncle’s usually head trauma inducing opinion appeared to be formed from genuine empathy and understanding.
His niece Gemma Henderson (26) was particularly shocked by this and is at a loss as to why her uncle is acting like this.
“Has he been reading news from a website that doesn’t have a crosshair in the logo?” Gemma Henderson wondered as her uncle went on to explain the correlation between countries with assisted dying laws and their overall livability.
“On my birthday I chucked a slice of lemon meringue cheesecake at him because he wouldn’t shut up about how men should have equal say about the rights of a fetus. Since when did he approach issues with actual compassion?”
Henderson’s nephew Collin Henderson (24) says there is a more sinister reason that his uncle is keeping his controversial opinions more approachable than before.
“He’s being nice because he doesn’t want us to bring up the fact that his Parramatta Eels are playing like absolute shit,” Collin Henderson stated with confidence.
“Either that or he’s giving Nana a not-so-subtle hint.”
More to come.