ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Phil O’Regan, known locally as a popular physical education teacher at the Delroy Academy South Betoota Campus, has been forced to defend allegations today that he’s actually a sadist hellbent on causing misery to all of his students.

The news comes after the 34-year-old revealed plans to set a baseline for his students’ fitness this semester by making them do a beep test on the first week back from home school holidays.

Despite outcry from the student body, a spokesman from the PE department has confirmed the measures, which they say will help them better assess their students’ needs and cater to each pupil individually.

“There will be dozens of students with their fingers clasped on the chainlink fence beside the tennis court while they throw their breakfast up onto their Reeboks,” said O’Regan.

“And it will be glorious. There’s no better feeling than being fit, trust me. Delroy strives to unlock the personal best within each and every student. If that means pushing them to their absolute physical limit after 12 weeks of binge eating and inactivity, then so be it,”

“I’m not a sadist, I just love fitness. See you all in class soon, boys and girls.”

The Advocate reached out to a number of Mr O’Regan’s students, only one of which was prepared to go on the record and share their feelings on the matter.

Others were concerned about possible reprisal attacks from the PE department.

Mark* spoke to our reporters about his impending death at the hands of Mr O’Regan.

“Why do beep tests exist?” he said.

“Mr O’Regan said the special forces use it for training. Guess what, I don’t want to join the special forces. I’m not even old enough to drive yet. All I want to do in my first week back from school is sit in these new airconditioned demountables and catch up with people,”

“But no, I’m out listening to a robot give me instructions while I run up and down a tennis court. If I drop out at level 4, O’Regan will make me run laps because he knows come summer time, I’ll be running cross country to get out of playing cricket.”

More to come.


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