ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A future leader of this country has thanked the NSW Premier today for making sure he and his family are safe from the horrible plague that God has set upon us all.

Michael Patches-O’Pooley, an 18-year-old student at one of those fucking schools and who’s probably some important Sydney cunt’s son or something, told this ‘inbred’ desert masthead that he’ll forever be thankful to “Mummy Gladys” for making sure the disturbance to his life is minimal.

“Thank you, Mummy Gladys! She’s the best,” he told our reporter via telephone this morning.

“Like, I know she’s being dragged in the press for taking the jabs away from like the outback to give to us Year 12s but she’s done the right thing. I mean, like how are we supposed to be safe when we’re doing the exams? There’s going to be like a hundred other boys in the gymnasium and this thing spreads indoors like a house fire,”

“I don’t know what like all those people in those shitholes are so worried about. There’s more on the way. Like relax, you’re a dumb country bogan. Like it doesn’t actually matter if you die from this thing because like you probably do nothing except sit around in your Lowes tracksuit all day between trips to the KFC drive-through,”

“The country boarders in my year have all been jabbed up, like it’s not that hard to get one out there. They like complaining out there.”

The Advocate reached out the NSW Premier for comment but have yet to receive a response.

More to come.


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