ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Prime Bloke Scotty Morrison invited reporters into his Parliamentary man cave this morning to watch former Australia Post CEO Christine Holgate give evidence to the Senate Inquiry into her resignation.

“Jesus wept,” laughed Scott.

“You’d think I bloody got home from the pub after midnight and pissed on the rug or something. A bit of bloody carry on this is. Women mate, Christ Almighty,”

“Maybe. Maaaybe if I pissed in the dirty clothes hamper on some expensive corporate garb but mate, it’s just a fucken rug. The bloody dog pisses on the fucking thing all the time! What’s the difference between human piss and dog piss?”

The Parliament House director of Sky News said there’s no difference.

“That’s right, Alistair. There’s fuck all difference.”

The Prime Minister opened his top draw.

“Look at this, this is a Mount Franklin bottle full of my own piss. Sometimes when I can’t be fucked walking out to the shitters, I piss in a bottle and empty it out in the sink when nobody’s here,” he said.

“See, watch this.”

Scott then until the lid and poured the bottle of his own piss out in the centre of the room, on a nice rug that once lived on the wall of The Lodge.

“Look. No stains no nothing. Just a bit of a pong.”

The division bell then rang and Scott rolled his eyes.

“Fuck cunt, we only just to vote on something. OK guys, I’ll see you after lunch.”

More to come.


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