ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Prime Minister responded to claims made by a group of international leaders that humanity is facing a ‘code red emergency’ when it comes to climate change.

Responding, Scott Morrison explained that the popular international policy to reach net-zero carbon emissions by 2050 is completely irrelevant and pointless because most of his government – and donors will probably be dead by that time.

“I am failing to see how this is my problem,” said Scott.

“This policy doesn’t affect me so why should I care about it? This problem is for people in the future. I will be dead. It’s not like my friends and family will suffer either. I’m actually surprisingly wealthy and that should see my descendants enjoy a cushy existence,”

“Like, why should I care?”

Mr Morrison’s sentiments were echoed by Energy Minister Angus Taylor, who said because he grew up on a farm, he understands the impacts climate change will have on Australia.

“When it was hot, the plants grew more and the sheep just stayed under the trees all day,” said Angus.

“However, when it was cold, everything died and nothing grew. The sheep fucken hated it. We used to sheer them in the colder months. But if you thought the sheep hated it, the lambs flat out used to freeze to death. It’s hard being a sheep farmer,”

“Anyway, as I see it, Australia is set to benefit from a net positive result if the planet gets hot.”

Satisfied, the Prime Minister just walked away from the podium without saying anything further.

More to come.


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