ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Prime Minister has put the nation’s poor, sick, old and, disabled people on notice today in Canberra by announcing that it will become a federal offence to die from the Sydney Sneeze.

Taking off his glasses and trendy Australian flag mask to speak candidly to the people he hates most in the world, Scott Morrison explained to the Canberra Press Gallery that there will be deaths when the country inevitably re-opens but most of them will be people who are already “on the road to eternal life”.

“To make sure we do not have any unnecessary deaths from this terrible plague that’s removing Baby Boomers and deleting their long-suffering parents, the Federal Government has today passed legislation that makes it illegal for any Australian to die from the virus,”

“So my government’s message to any Australian is to not do it. To not catch this virus and die because you will end up before the courts and possibly jailed for a period of time,”

“Jail is not a nice place, boys and girls and everything in between. So think twice about letting yourself die from this thing. You will be letting down the nation. Your face will end up in my newspapers.”

Mr Morrison then put his Australia flag mask back on and gestured to the Health Minister Greg Hunt to say something.

Mr Hunt shook his head then burst into tears for some reason and he and Morrison when back inside.

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here