ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The de facto leader of Victoria is set to announce an easing of restrictions this morning after a second victory over an outbreak of the super spicy cough, known to some as the Delta.

Premier Daniel Andrews was routinely attacked by the New South Welsh Penal Colony Director, Gladys Berejiklian, over his handling of past outbreaks. Including the one last year of the naturally-aspirated version of the spicy cough which killed hundreds of people. However, that version of the Sydney Sneeze makes this current super spicy cough seem like a winter headcold.

It is the second time Andrews and his rugged health advisor have claimed a pensive victory over a Delta outbreak.

The news also forces his New South Welsh counterparts to perhaps ponder the fact that they might’ve actually shit the bed this time, after months and months of having the cleanest sheets in the country.

Sydney is looking down the barrel of having a largely unsupported lockdown that will carry on until at least Christmas time.

The Advocate phoned a few Sydney numbers at random to try to get a picture of what that unavoidable fact looks like for them.

First to answer was Doug Green, of Dogwhistle Green in Sydney’s southwest.

He said things were fucked.

“Oh mate, it’s fucked down here,” he said.

“I’m going to do my arse. I’m at home not getting paid. The disaster payments you get from Centrelink is less than half my usual wage, I have bills to pay that I can’t anymore,”

“The root cause of all this pain is Gladys Berejiklian and her government. It’s underpinned by that clown Scott Morrison but ultimately, it’s NSW that makes the calls to lock people down. Don’t get me wrong, I thought she was doing a good job but fuck me, there’s a lot of people like me who are waking up to the fact that Dan Andrews had the right idea all along,”

“I mean, beating the Pangolin’s Wrath once might’ve been lucky but twice all but proves that there’s method to his madness. If only Gladys had walled up those yuppie cunts in Bondi. Not just them but every cunt in this overpriced shithole of a city. Fuck I hate this town. If only.”

When asked what Doug planned to do about his situation, he said he’s got the same plan as the NSW Government.

“Blame everyone else for my situation and cry a bit. Maybe take the dog to the park, I don’t know. I’m fucked, mate.”

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here