ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The New South Wales Premier Gladys Berejiklian has told the people of her state that her government cannot be fucked doing the 11 am daily press conferences anymore – and that the people who don’t like that can just go and get fucked.

Gladys also added that she hopes everyone enjoys their picnics next week.

“There will be no more of these, I hate doing them and I’ve made them so boring that most people in the real world don’t even tune in anymore,” she said.

“So I’m not going to do them anymore. You can just log on and check if you really care but yawn.”

When asked by a reporter if she thought the picnic rule, which people have to be double vaccinated to do, unfairly favours old people because they got first access to jabs and are therefore more likely to be double dosed.

“I really couldn’t care less. Honestly, I don’t give a fuck what they think and what you think. You must be the dumbest journalist here if you think you’re going to get a non-bullshit answer, too,”

“Next question.”

Another reporter asked a question about whether she was being ‘cowardly’ in dodging questions at the daily presser.

“Again, I can’t stress this enough. Can I just say that I don’t care? Can I say that? Oh that’s right, I can. You’ve all got my junior press secretary’s email, email her. She’ll either forward them to the junior media officer secretary in my office, who’s on $289 000 mind you, or just flat out ignore your email. Probably because the questions were dumb,”

“OK, it looks like Brad wants to say a few words.”

Health Minister Brad Hazzard then took his mask off, cleared his throat and stepped up to the microphones.

“They say the eyes are the windows to the soul,” he said.

“I don’t know what them [sic] eyes was the windows to and I guess I’d as soon not know. But there is another view of the world out there and other eyes to see it and that’s where this is goin’. It has done brought me to a place in my life I would not of thought I’d of come to. Somewhere out there is a true and living prophet of destruction and I don’t want to confront him. I know he’s real. I have seen his work. I walked in front of those eyes once. I won’t do it again,”

“Stay off the beach and wash your hands. Thank you.”

More to come.


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