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The Defence Minister is currently halfway through a 14-day isolation after getting sucked into the Indooroopilly delta cluster earlier this month but Peter Dutton said that hasn’t slowed him down.

Mr Dutton spoke briefly with The Advocate today, once again thinking that he was speaking to this masthead’s crosstown rival, The Betoota Bugle, which is owned by NewsCorp.

“If there’s one thing I hate more than cane toads, it’s bloody Indian Myna birds,” he said.

“So I thought why not start getting rid of them, like many people in Queensland enjoy killing cane toads. To me, there is little difference. Just because something has warm blood, doesn’t mean it’s any less of a pest,”

“A few days ago, I made a crude trap and it actually turned out to be quite effective. I have caught hundreds. I obviously let the nice, polite birds go free. Birds such as galahs, magpies, kookaburra, little parrot looking things that are very pretty. I let them go but the Indian Mynas, they meet their maker,”

“To dispatch them, I simply transfer the birds to an old bag that some superphosphate came in. It’s about the size of a giant’s pillowcase. So once the birds are in the bag, I either bash the bag as hard as I can against a tree or I get in the car and run the bag over repeatedly. However, my Chief-of-Staff informed me that this is extremely unethical and cruel none the less,”

“So I have started simply attaching the end of the bag to the exhaust pipe of my car. It works quick. People think this is also bad but the animal control people do the same but with LPG and a special killing box. They just put the cats and dogs in the box and turn the gas on. Fascinating,”

“It’s been keeping me sane, anyway. Who would’ve thought I was such a greenie? [laughs]”

The Advocate reached out to the Department of Agriculture and Fisheries for comment, who said they were aware of what Mr Dutton is doing but have chosen to wash their hands of the situation.

More to come.


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