ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Parliament’s most popular backbencher Barnaby Joyce has turned in his personal iPad to the National’s IT Help Desk Kiosk in Canberra this afternoon because it’s stopped working properly.

Mr Joyce told the nerds behind the desk that he has no idea what happened to his Words With Friends machine but if they could get it working again, that’d be nice.

He spoke briefly but very candidly to our reporter just a short time ago.

“This isn’t like the other times when say for example, I’ve been playing my good friend Matt Canavan on Words With Friends and I know for a fact that Matt is borderline illiterate so when he puts down a word like ‘epitome’ on the board, I just lose it,” said Joyce.

“He makes a point of saying it, too. In conversations for days after. He was pronouncing it EPI-TOME for fuck’s sake!”

“Anyway, after that little EPI-SODE, I put my iPad over my knee and folded it in half. Now. Needless to say, explaining what happened to the IT desk after that was a bit hard. They said they couldn’t fix it,”

“But this time, I don’t know how this has happened. They make these bloody things in China now. They’re made from some sort of chinesium alloy. Very weak. Anyway, you rang to speak to me about the flood recovery in Moree. Fire away, son.”

More to come.


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