ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Rural City of Mildura has been plunged back into a lockdown this week along with the rest of the nation’s appendix state but the Acting Victorian Premier James Merlino is asking his team why that is.

“Why is a South Australian town going into a lock down, is there something they aren’t telling us?” he asked his Chief-Of-Staff.

Mr Merlino was due to speak to the media in Melbourne when he pulled his right hand man to the side.

“Wait, is it in New South Wales? Is it a border community? I’m not sure. Can someone look into that for me?”

“I have a feeling it’s in South Australia. I know it’s on the Murray. Or is it the Darling? Hold on, let me Google Maps it,”

“Oh, there it is. It’s near the fancy new IGA in Buronga.”

Mr Merlino’s eyes widened.

“Holy shit, it’s in Victoria. Holy shit, did you know a hundred thousand people live there? What they hell do they all do? Are they Victorians? Like, I mean are they ethnically Victorian? Do they play Victorian Leg Tennis?”

“I can’t believe a senior public servant in Melbourne like me didn’t know Mildura was a part of Victoria,”

“Oh well, I guess that’s why they’re in lockdown, too.”

More to come.


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