LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
With Prime Minister Scott Morrison hiding in his room with a stack of Captain Cook magazines, acting PM Barnaby Joyce has picked a new target to destroy with his red dog style of jowly grunt.
This week, it is iPads, specifically iPads used to entertain children in cars which is a shocking choice for a man who seems committed to repopulate New England all on his own.
“Kids are not looking out their windows when their parents are driving them through the country,” stated the deputy PM, wearing a humorous shirt.
“They are completely blind to the fact that Old McDonald has a farm, but if the mice keep eating his feed he’s going to have to shoot most of the animals.”
According to the indefinite acting PM, a childhood drive through the countryside with nothing to entertain you but the odd chance dad might hit a roo left kids with plenty of time to gaze out of the window and witness the real struggle of Australian farmers.
“And that was before the Murray Dar-drought, that was before the drought.”
However, as an anti-government activist, Mr Joyce is aware he literally cannot tell parents what to do and is looking at other alternatives to getting kids interested in farming.
“I think it’s high time Bluey visited some of her rural friends who are doing it tough and have been secretly feeding Bluey and her family this whole time. Maybe they could even hunt some foxes together, I don’t know, it’s just an idea, I’m not one of those ponytail latte sippers at the ABC. I don’t even know what’s happening on the bloody show most of the time but the kids like it even if it does my effing head in.”
“What I want everyone to take away from this is that Bluey, and The Greens, have a lot to answer to.”
