18 March, 2015. 11:30
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact
A spokesperson for the exiled founder of Wikileaks.org has today revealed an ultimatum.
Julian Assange, the creator and curator of the international whistle-blower website, has promised to “cause havoc” if he is not given a safe passage to a Caribbean Island of his choosing – from his current hideout in the Ecuadorian embassy in London.
In a written statement, Assange threatened to shatter the way of life for millions, by revealing crucial Game Of Thrones plot spoilers via his website www.wikileaks.org
“Despite all the good I do in this world, I have been made to look like the bad guy. I have tried my very best not to be the bad guy, however even a modern-day Jesus Christ has a breaking point,”
“If my demands are not met, I will reveal thousands upon thousands of Game Of Thrones plot spoilers to the world. Not just from season 5, but from many seasons to come,”
Many die-hard fans have stated that they are not concerned by Assange’s threats, as they “have already read the books” – however, Assange has revealed his team of freelance ‘hacktivists’ have managed to infiltrate the production cloud of HBO to discover plot developments that extend beyond the fictional universe so far been covered in the original A Song of Ice and Fire novels.
“You do not want to know what happens to Tyrion, seriously”
It has been exactly 1,000 days since whistleblower Julian Assange was forced to hide out at the Ecuadorian Embassy in London, where outside powers can’t prosecute him. Supporters have been holding vigils for the international fugitive this week.
The forced self-incarceration came in 2010, in the wake of the allegations of sexual assault leveled against him by two Swedish women. The whistleblower has denied the allegations of sexual misconduct and rape.
It is often reported that Assange has always disliked the George R. R. Martin fantasy series, after frequently being compared to the incestuous villain of season one, Viserys Targaryen.
“To all the trolls that like to make fun of me… Ha ha ha” says a sarcastic Assange.
“Viserys, reeaaally original!”
“I hate Game Of Thrones. I really hope that you let me ruin this for you,”
“To stop this from happening, my demands are simple. Deliver sixteen barbecue meatlovers pizzas to the Ecuadorian Embassy and begin the logistics that will see my transportation from London to the Dutch Antilles.”
So far, the vigilante group Anonymous have announced their plans to combat the online spoiler threat, but it appears an army of may be far more powerful than first imagined.
Authorities from both England, Sweden and the USA are yet to comment on the delusional fugitive’s bizarre demands. Fans around the world are bracing themselves for the worst.
