Cyclone Jasper is expected to make landfall in Far North Queensland as a category two storm today, bringing gale-force winds and heavy rainfall to some of Australia’s most popular tourist destinations in peak season.

As the ever resilient locals of the Deep North begin battening down the hatches, the pre-Christmas tourists are also being recruited to join in.

The tropical cyclone was sitting off the coast between Cairns and Townsville yesterday as a category one for the last couple days, according to the Bureau of Meteorology.

The BOM is now indicating that Cape Flattery and Cardwell and towns along the tropical Queensland coast between Cooktown and Innisfail, including Cairns and Palm Island are all within the warning zone.

This means droves of Victorian holidays will get their first taste of the many climatic inconveniences of tropical life, as foul-mouth locals begin handing them shovels and telling them to get in the ute.

Speaking to The Betoota Advocate today, local Cairns community figure Karl Thaiday (55) says the Victorians have likely missed their opportunity to leave town.

“That airport’s gonna be closing any minute now” he says, as he jumps resort fences and begins rallying the terrified southerners currently sitting poolside.

“I’ve told them they’ve got two options”

“Either head down to the CWA hall and start making sandwiches with the old girls down there”

“Or they can join the Lions volunteers at the council chambers and start sandbagging”

“But either way they will have to get off their fucken sunbeds.”

“This isn’t some virus that we can hide from in Portsea, this is a fucking cyclone”

“…and the only way we are getting through this is these Victorians start acting like Australians”



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