3 May, 2017. 14:23

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The United Nations has confirmed this morning that they dropped food and other supplies onto the Sydney tech hub of Pyrmont in aid of besieged Fairfax and Network 10 employees.

As editorial staff from The Sydney Morning Herald walk off the job and Channel Ten employees wonder if they’ll still be there at Christmas time, UN Secretary-General Antonio Guterres explained to The Advocate that he can’t sit idly by while people suffer.

“There are rumours going around that Fairfax staff were offered store credit at The Store in lieu of a salary, which is a gross violation of human rights,” he said.

“What person needs a pair of $80 pyjamas and a rose gold cupcake tray? The answer is nobody. The fact that Fairfax was hoping to pay their employees with shit that only a bored Double Bay housewife needs is reason enough for the UN to act. We dropped them food and emergency avocados this morning.”

The global governing body also made a point of sending aid to the staff at Network 10, who’ve reportedly been forced to drink instant coffee and eat plain Vita-Weats for the past month due to cutbacks.

In response to the dire conditions, the UN dropped an artisan bakery and a barista in the area surrounding the Channel 10 studio around 9am local time.

However, it was confirmed by the NSW Police that the barista’s parachute tragically failed to open. The man’s body was later found on Ita Buttrose’s BMW in the Sydney Fish Market carpark.

More to come.



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