After spending her entire life avoiding being tortured and killed by a tyrannical terrorist organisation that has taken control of her home country after several failed US military operations, one opportunistic refugee has today received the news she’s been waiting to hear for years.

Sharon* (named changed) was absolutely stoked to hear about the sliver of hope that the Biloela Tamil family has received today that they may be able to continue living in a torturous limbo in the Christmas Island Detention Centre, where they have already spent 1000 days.

“Gotdam thank you Priya and Nades Murugappan!!!” said the stateless and war-wear mother of three, while speaking to Betoota Advocate reporters through a barbed wire fence of refugee camp in a rare ceasefire zone between two hostile Middle Eastern nations.

“I’ve been following the Australian news cycle quite closely actually, for my whole life.”

“I’ve just waiting for a weak Labor government so that I can begin my seven year voyage to the shores of the Land Down Under”

“But it turns out I don’t even need to wait. All I gotta do is sneak into the country on emergency protection visa and become a well liked community member in a rough central Queensland town”

As Sharon points out, she’s learnt through a very clear communication channel between Australian Border Force to several hundred different South-East Asian people smugglers who passed it on to the Middle Eastern people smugglers who sent the word out through the camps that are currently being called home by millions of dispossessed human beings on the back of Europe -that the Liberal Government has always been tough on boats.

But last now things have changed. With the the Biloela family settling in for another indefinite timeline in off-shore detention prison, Sharon can see her lucky ticket.

“We are getting ready now. All I’ve gotta do is find someone to take for a couple months via boat from here, to somewhere in Indonesia, then from there we’ll get another boat aimlessly floating through the trade routes above Darwin – then we’ll get picked up by Border Force and spend eight or so years getting processed on on an Island, then with any luck, we’ll develop a horrific medical condition that is so bad our privately contracted security guards feel the need to put us in touch with our pro-bono lawyers over Skype, who will have a crack at every legal avenue possible to keep my family from being raped and murdered in an overseas country – before a petition gets signed by 300,000 plus people Around to beg the government for mercy, until the courts decide that they ultimately want to look at everything a bit closer again”.

“It’s that easy” said Sharon.

“I look forward to experiencing a month of asylum in an Australian hospital sometime next decade.



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