WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact

Scott Morrison is being applauded both locally and internationally today after giving his strongest speech to date on the issue of climate change.

Speaking from Canberra with an Opera House backdrop, the Prime Minister dropped into the virtual global climate summit and announced our government’s boldest policy yet.

The announcement came during the 5 minutes allotted speaking time, with Scotty from Marketing on mute for the entire allocation.

“It’s the clearest indication yet that your country is actually committed to not dismissing this issue,” said a spokesperson for US President Joe Biden, who had left the room assuming it was simply going to be 5 minutes of denial and excuses.

Convened by Biden, the summit was designed to bring countries together to try and tackle the life-threatening challenge of climate change we face with a sense of cohesion and teamwork.

Australia currently languishes far behind the vast majority of the countries that were present at the digital convention in terms of targets, and many had feared a lashing of our Prime Minister by some of the big dogs on the world stage.

However, given our PM managed to get through 5 minutes without questioning the danger of climate change and the cost of modifying our economy to not be totally reliant on fossil fuels, it’s been reported that we have come off looking quite okay internationally for once.

“It’s a step in the right direction,” said Russian President Vladimir Putin.

“Thank fuck he didn’t go on about your pissy 67 million dollar gas plan or whatever.”

“You are the lackey of the US, follow them on climate change you kangaroos,” said Chinese President Xi Jinping.


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