ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Residents of our nation’s humble West are currently enjoying the condensed version of what the East Coast went through last year, according to the state’s leader Mark McGowan.

In his address to his worried populus, McGowan stressed the keyword in the statement above was ‘condensed’.

“That means it’ll all be over soon,” he said.

“Big rain is coming, which will put out the fires. Everybody will be able to breathe easy then. On top of that, we haven’t had any infections from that recent scare with the hotel worker so that’s OK,”

“Right now, we’re just having a really condensed version of what people over East had last year. Disease and destruction. While we last lay on the beach and got a tan. We’ve been allowed to drink in public, we’ve been allowed to shake our can on pub dancefloors around the state. We’ve taken that for granted,”

“But don’t worry. Come Monday, this old boy from the Hunter will be shaking his ass again. Not with the young folks down in Fremantle, I’ll leave that to Troy Buswell. I’ll probably keep it low key, nursing a $28 pint of Little Creatures in some yuppie fuckhole near the river,”

“You know the ones.”

McGowan then put his mask back on upside down and closed his diary, which had nothing written on the page as he gave the presser.

More to come.


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