LOUIS BURKE | Local News | CONTACT
Despite having a disposable income and average intelligence, Darren Callaghan has yet to visit Queensland’s Gold Coast, opting instead to cut out the middleman and glass himself.
The thirty-nine-year-old hospo says he would like to experience everything the Gold Coast has to offer but states he can do that at home by racking eight lines of cocaine, supporting a failing footy team, punching himself in the head and throwing $2000 in the bin.
“If I need the experience of walking around surfers I just pour some salt in my hair and inhale second hand smoke,” stated the ersatz traveler.
According to Callaghan, he’d rather avoid the negative stereotypes about men his age who visit the Gold Coast for a holiday but still know what it is like to be glassed by some roided up tan job who is up to their eyeballs on goey.
Rigging up a system he calls the Glitter-Strip Simulator, Callaghan stands on a platform he paid $50 to get on, listening to loud club music while foul smells permeate out of a bathroom where all the stalls are full before a bottle on a rope flies into his temple knocking him into a hedge filled with cane toads.
“Wooo!”
More to come.
