ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Some in our town say French Quarter mid-tier design school, École Pour Les Sangs Bleus Inutiles, was only built to accommodate and educate the talentless children of Betoota’s cultural elite.

Others say it provides a “mezzanine-level of design education that prepares students for a life on the cutting edge of the industry” – and one of those people is 28-year-old Carlson Cole.

For the past ten years, Carlson has done fuck all. He’s been finding his niche, he says.

“I didn’t want to jump into anything,” he explained to our reporter.

“I tried law at South Betoota Polytech. Didn’t like it very much. Then I just did a straight up Bachelor of Business but I dropped out after Dad didn’t offer me a job after a year. I tried art school but you had to have a portfolio so I didn’t even apply,”

“Then, I guess I tried surfing, skiing and playing golf but they all took too long to get good enough at to turn pro. So yeah, going to EPLSBI [pronounced: e-ples-bee] was the only other option I had left besides getting a real job. Not just one like working as a function waiter at my Dad’s golf club or working in a student bar. Like one in an office when you just sit there and work until you die,”

“So here I am. It’s not like any thing I do means anything.”

Carlson’s father, Tim, echoed his son’s sentiments.

“He is pretty useless, when you think about it,” laughed Tim.

“And when you really think about it, it’s all my fault. So I don’t think.”

More to come.


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