18 September, 2016. 10:34
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
THOUGH HE’S NOT AS GOOD as he once was, Kenny Carpmann could sell a denim jacket to a recalcitrant teenage girl while he sold a pair of sunnies to a blind man.
But the star salesman was fired on the spot yesterday from his position at Chermside General Pants after he plugged the AUX cord into his personal iPhone and put on some Toby Keith, thinking everybody in the store would nod along in appreciation.
After pressing play on Keith’s 2005 smash hit As Good As I Once Was, all hell broke loose inside the store.
As the 27-year-old Carpmann began to gyrate his hips to the country beat, the customers began to head to their nearest exit. All this happening in plain sight of his manager, 17-year-old Kayla Kartwright.
“Kayla always talks smack when she’s feeling bulletproof,” he said. “When she said I was fired, I thought she was joking.”
The penny then dropped for the Tamworth local when he took a look around the shop to see the only person left was a husky cowgirl with a horse-centric tramp stamp tapping her Ariats to the beat.
“Nah, fuck ’em. It’s just a song. This place sucks anyway. You can’t even buy a decent set of Wranglers here, just those shirt-lifting Stranglers they do. They wouldn’t even last a day in the yards,” he said as he emptied his locker.
“All they play is Top 40 interwoven with Triple J shit, anyway. I must have a few years on me now, but back in my prime, I was hell on wheels. If I was a girl, I would’ve dropped Kayla a long time ago anyway.”