ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A young couple from our town’s Betoota Heights corridor have just returned from Hamilton Island this morning, where they revealed they didn’t share a photo of the ‘fucking’ cockatoos that loitered on their balcony like youths around a supermarket entrance.
Staff at the iconic holiday destination have even gone as far as suggesting Annabel and Frisbee Coleman might be the first people to visit the island and leave without taking and sharing a photo of the noisy birds to social media.
“Mate, if you know, you know,” said Frisbee, a 24-year-old construction manager.
“Those fucking birds, mate. They just sit on your balcony all day and scream at you. We made the mistake of leaving a wheel of King Island and a box of Jatz out there on the first day and we came back to find the outdoor area looking like the bin out the back of a Belfast chippy,”
“Fucken shit everywhere. Their creepy little eyes looking at me all the time. As if you’d want to take a picture of that. Why would I want to remember that? It’s fucked. They should really just trim the numbers down a bit. Invite up some of those pigeon-eating Tasmanians. They’ll trap and eat half the cockatoos on the island. Problem solved, the green way.”
Annabel added that Frisbee has a long history of altercations with birds, stemming from his childhood run-ins with swooping magipes and a kookaburra that ate his pet python.
“Frisbee hates birds,” he said.
“He keeps sharing this insane conspiracy theory with our friends and family that says pretty much that birds aren’t real and the government uses these so-called birds to spy on us,”
“I thought this holiday might be a nice getaway for us, I was half expecting him to get his knee dirty but no, just more fights with birds. Scroll back up and look at his photo. He’s a bit of a unit, isn’t he? He’s my bird-hating freak.”
More to come.
